Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
