You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
