No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
