I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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