Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
