I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
