i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
