How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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