the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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