Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
