He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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