I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize