I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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