I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
