Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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