Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
