Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
