Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
