am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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