he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
