dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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