I cut my penus on the lid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
