You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
