you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
