I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
