hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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