Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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