I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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