cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
