Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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