I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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