i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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