God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
