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• (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  That's science, my friend. Boner science.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (714): View more from California

  If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And your cock privileges have been revoked.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is this a considering it or regretting it text?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.

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• (310): View more from California

  So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.

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