There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just googled if crying burns calories
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
