Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.