I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.