It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.