Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.