i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When did angry sex become our thing?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism