Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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