did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
