You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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