I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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