There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
