I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
