she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You pole danced in your parka.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
