Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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