My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize