Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
