ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
