So many bounce houses so little time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
