When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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