Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
