I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
