Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
