dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
