it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
