Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
