oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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