One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
