I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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