my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
