this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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