he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
