dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
