Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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