Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
