Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
