I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
