"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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