he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
