his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
