I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
