I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
