I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
