I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
...so i touched it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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