Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
