when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
