Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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