coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
