I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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