whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
