I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
