tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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