the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
