If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
