I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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