I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
