i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
