this beer tastes like vomit already
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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