he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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