Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
