Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize