why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
